Lessons learned by a substitute teacher

It's been two full months since I started subbing, and have been lucky enough to have a job every day since I got my first job (see previous blog).  Over these past weeks, I have learned more about teaching than I did in all my college years combined.  Subbing is proving to be one of the most enjoyable, diverse, difficult, exciting, stressful, and hilarious things I have ever done.  I have subbed just about everything by now: high school PE/health, middle school science, kindergarten, 3rd grade, special ed, high school culinary, 4/5th grade, middle school reading, etc., etc.

Here are a FEW things I have learned...

1.  Students remember those things you wish they wouldn't... like when I say, "next time I come, I'll ____," they ALWAYS hold me accountable.  How can they remember these specific details but can't remember what 6x7 is?

2.  Some secretaries are very kind, welcoming, and helpful; others are... not.  I guess it's only fair they assume someone who's never been in the building before should know where everything is.

3.  The last 90 minutes of full day kindergarten is simply a practice in meltdown avoidance.

4.  There is one major difference between teaching high school PE and kindergarten PE: the high schoolers are bigger.

5.  You do not need "prizes" to be an effective teacher with good classroom management.  In fact, you don't need prizes to make students like you, what they really want is just a good teacher.

6.  Although you technically only need to arrive 30 minutes early, if you're planning on having any idea what you're doing for the day, knowing where the music room is that you will be taking kids to at 10:30, deciphering the lesson plans left in seeming hieroglyphs, making the copies that weren't left for an activity, etc., I suggest you arrive AT LEAST 45 minutes early.  An hour if you're a bit overly paranoid, like me.

7.  Pay attention to the student whose name who you know within the first 10 minutes of class... you will likely need to give them some extra "attention" today.

8.  As a substitute, there is a 92% chance the principal will unexpectedly drop by to "check in."  Be on guard, they're really coming to make sure you, as a substitute, are competent.

9.  87% of aforementioned principal drop-ins happen during a transition time after an exceedingly messy art project.

10.  Even if you really get on students about their chattiness, lack of focus, or tendency to be continually off task, they still love you at the end of the day.  Kids want to be held accountable.

11.  Watching the movie "Freedom Writers" during your first year of teaching will undoubtedly make you feel like you're Hillary Swank.

12.  Always bring a back-up plan (duh).  This became very clear to me when I came into a class with this on the lesson plans: "1:00-2:00 - teacher's choice!"  The exclamation point was probably supposed to be a happy exclamation, but for me (this was one of my first sub jobs), it was more of an oh-my-gosh-I-didn't-know-I-was-supposed-to-have-planned-an-activity-for-a-class-that's-not-mine exclamation.  From that day on, I always bring at least two good books, mad libs, a riddle book, various tongue twisters, and an age-appropriate activity that could take anywhere from 30-60 minutes.

13.  Food allergies run high these days.  Don't even think about bringing food rewards.  I may have learned this the hard way... (And apparently Dum-Dums are made in a plant ravaged with peanut remains?)

14.  Having 45 students in a PE class is totally normal, and according to the district, totally effective.  I beg to differ.

15.  Any sub job posting that has "this job includes bus duty, lunchroom duty, and recess duty" in the job details should be immediately avoided.

16.  Recess as "teacher" is infinitely less fun than I remember recess being as "student."

17.  Being a new face in the classroom, you're a mystery that every student craves to solve.  They want to know your age, they want to know about your family, they want to know... if you're pregnant.

18.  Never pose a question that begins with a phrase like, "How does Mrs. Smith...," you will get 30 different answer yelled at you simultaneously and you'll wish you'd never asked.

19.  When in doubt, forget the confusing, last-minute lesson plans and do what you know how to do best: just TEACH.

Going back to high school... as teacher?!

I did it.  I subbed my first day.  In PE.  High school PE.  Surviving this makes me think I can handle anything now.  Almost an invincible feeling.  And here's how it went:

Upon arriving to the high school, I was feeling pretty good about being ten minutes early and having found the staff parking lot with incredible ease.  I was feeling so confident, I didn’t even bother drinking the last fourth of my coffee (now that’s confidence!).  I waltzed right in the doors and found my way to the office.  And when I say “find my way,” I actually mean, got lost on the wrong floor and eventually found my way to the office at the exact moment I was due to arrive (good thing I had that 10 minute buffer). 

When the secretary handed me a hefty lanyard of keys and told me she didn’t know where the locker room was (and I wondered how could that even be possible), the principal generously offered to escort me there.  During our somewhat long and uncomfortable walk to the elusive locker room, he asked me some questions:

Principal: “So do you teach PE?”

Me: “No…”

Principal: “So have you been in high schools to substitute?”

Me: “Uh… no.”

Principal: “….”

Me: “But I love high schoolers!”

I’m sure at this point he was thinking I was about to have an interesting day.  I was just very thankful he didn’t ask if this was my first day subbing.  Because it sure was.

Before classes began, I decided to scope out the premises.  There are locks to EVERYTHING.  This is, as I found out, the reason for the key-laden lanyard I was given.  (This lock/key situation was a constant battle throughout the day.)  Apparently the “righty-tighty, lefty-loosey” motto is NOT a universal law.  

First period came and along with it came Ultimate Frisbee.  Not one of my better athletic skills.  Thankfully, I was mostly in charge of getting cones and Frisbees out of the supply room.  One student broke out a bowl of Fruit Loops.  I told him this wasn’t a good time for that.  He said he was starving.  How do I argue with “starving?”

Second period came with tennis and the instruction for me to “teach students a basic serve.”  I did my best to explain what I have grown up watching Venus and Serena do and then asked “so who wants to demonstrate?!”  Surprisingly, there were no takers.  I volunteered someone wearing a “Varsity Tennis” shirt. 

Period three came with the weight room and a workout with things like “hex bar dead lifts” and “quick snatch lift” on it.  To which I instructed, “if you don’t know what one of the lifts is, I suggest you move on to the next one.”  I also attempted to use the sound system to “pump up some jams.”  After the first CD skipped and made odd sounds, I told students this was my dubstep version.  That wasn’t funny.  So I put on oldies instead.  That was frowned upon.

Period four was like period three. 

Period five was my “prep,” which really means nothing for a substitute but “shoot, shoulda brought my sudoku.”

Period six was back to the tennis courts.  It was now pretty warm outside and me asking students to run two laps around the tennis courts was apparently totally uncalled for.  PE is NOT for sweating, little did I know.

It was a good day.  I might even say I had fun.  I would even dare to say I would do it again.  Aside from the humorous recollections of the day, I really do love working with students.  I love being the listening ear for their stories they so desperately want to share.  I can’t imagine doing anything else.  And I can honestly say I can’t wait to take on my next sub job: middle school PE!

A simple summary of observations:

    1.     Any time is a good time to eat Fruit Loops.  Even during the warm-up for PE.

    2.     Analog clocks are a thing of the past and an unbreakable code.

    3.     Billy Preston’s song “Nothing From Nothing” is not a cool song to listen to in the weight room (I was thinking it was great until I noticed the disapproving looks on the forty faces staring back at me).

    4.     When the word “hustle” is yelled, that means, “walk slower, please.”

    5.     When asked to “run” that means, “just walk around at any pace you’d like, preferably really slowly.”

    6.     Having to stay in the locker room until the bell rings is absolute torture.

    7.     Run for 5 minutes?!  You might as well make me run a marathon. 

    8.     It’s totally unfair to mark anyone as “tardy” for only being 20 minutes late. 

    9.     Having to play tennis in the PE class called “racquet sports” is a crime and unreasonable. 

  10.  The stranger the name, the less likely the nickname will make logical sense.  (Ajuhdareev=Sam, Quishaw=Andy) …but for real, these names are solely made to make substitutes calling role look ridiculous.