A four-inch blade stuck in your head

I have a television in my dorm room that gets about 15 stations (5 of which are televangelists).  The main purpose of this television is for movie watching and catching a few minutes of the news as I get ready for my day or get ready for bed.  Last night I happened to watch as a fairly shocking news story graced my television screen. 

The news story was about a man who was stabbed by a knife during a burglary.  He walked away from the event with a few bruises, and (what he thought was) a minor stab wound in the back of his head.  Over the next four years (yes, FOUR years), this man suffered from headaches.  When he finally went to the doctor to get these headaches checked out, the doctor did a routine x-ray and found a four-inch blade stuck in his head. 

The fact that this man did not suffer from more severe ailments and that he did not even realize the severity of the stab that was taken at the back of his head is truly a miracle.  Can you image having a four-inch piece of metal jammed in your head and not even knowing about it?!  What a shock to finally find out.

I have some minor issues in my life.  You know what I’m talking about- those little anxieties that seem to pop up on occasion, or those sinful desires that sneak in every once in a while.  After watching this news story, I began to wonder if there is a bigger, more significant reason why I have these problems.  There were no obvious signs of this man’s problem (aka: the blade jammed in his head).  Similarly, there may not be any obvious signs about the problems in our own lives.  Sometimes we just get spiritual “headaches.”

But are those “headaches” actually the result of something more like a four-inch blade in our spiritual lives?  If you are experiencing some chronic spiritual ailments, maybe it’s time to take a trip to God for one of those routine check-ups.  Let God search your life for a possible dagger. 

“Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts” (Psalm 139:23).

Let God search you and test you.  Let him remove that dagger.  

4544 means baby bok choy

I look at things differently than the average person. Or I guess I should say I look at produce items differently than the average person. I don’t see spaghetti squash, I see 4776. I don’t see asparagus, I see 4080. I don’t see nectarines, I see 4378. I don’t see white onions, I see 4663. My life has been turned into a game of numbers. I cannot go a meal without running the numbers through my head (tonight I had 4076, 3151, 3121 and 4163… to you, that means I ate a salad). I cannot watch tv without saying all the numbers as they illuminate my screen. Basically, when I see produce, I think about the codes. Or if I happen to see a number that signifies a code (house numbers, phone numbers, etc), I think about the vegetable it means in my produce-laden world. It is something I cannot help, it just happens.

The reason I think in produce codes is because it is how I spend my days. 8 hours a day, 5 days a week. If I am not putting produce out onto the shelves all day, I am ringing it through the check stand. After spending a good 40 hours each week with these codes, they become a part of me. For the three months of the year I spend in the grocery store, the codes and I are one. Upon arriving back at school and leaving my glamorous grocery life behind, the codes slowly begin to fade away. I probably won’t remember that 4544 means baby bok choy come next February. It is doubtful that I will know 4629 means leeks in the panic of finals week.

The bottom line: when I am no longer spending everyday with these codes and have distractions on every side, I quickly forget.

When I am faithful about spending time with God and taking time to get to know Him, He becomes part of who I am (just like the codes are a part of who I am for the months of May, June, and July). But just like the codes that begin to vanish the moment I leave the grocery store, the relationship I have with Christ can just as easily fall away if I neglect spending time with Him. I cannot remember produce codes if I only work an hour each week. Likewise, I cannot build a relationship with Christ if I meet with him irregularly.

The great thing is, when I return to my grocery glory after spending 9 months away, the codes find their way back to the forefront of my mind within the first few days. After being afraid I would never recall the hundreds of PLU codes I spent last summer memorizing, I was shocked to find I remembered 4520 meant long stemmed artichoke on my first day back. When we fall away from Christ, we can rest assured that He will take us back. We don’t have to “start over” because He has been there with us all along. The codes never left my memory; Christ never leaves our hearts. He is always there waiting for us to pursue the relationship. Spend time with Him and he will be part of you.

The curse of the work apron

I wear a uniform to work everyday: black slacks, black shoes, a special “Market” t-shirt (complete with advertisements on the back), and an apron. It seems the moment I put on this uniform it becomes socially acceptable for people to complain to me, yell at me, and make me feel unnecessarily bad about myself. Today was one of those days where I felt like the majority of customers believed I was the one making their shopping experience subpar. Of course it was my fault that the sign said the peaches were from Mexico when they were really from California. Of course it was my fault that you couldn’t read that the sign said “lemonade” not “pineapples,” making the price of the pineapple more than you thought. Of course it was my fault that the Walla Walla onions didn’t get shipped on time leaving The Market Walla Walla-less.

There is something about me wearing that apron that sends the message, “yell at me, make me feel guilty, treat me like I am not human, I don’t actually have feelings.” As much as this type of treatment hurts, I expect that customers are going to be angry when we don’t have the onions that were on sale. I anticipate customers complaining to me about the prices. I know that no matter what, I will have to take some blows even though I had nothing to do with the problem.

After one particular lady killed any sense of self-worth I felt today, I skulked to the back room, hung my head, and found things to do that would allow me to avoid customers for a few minutes. As I was feeling particularly sorry for myself, I began to realize there is someone who I falsely accuse, who I am disrespectful towards because he wears a “uniform,” if you will. It’s God. God has many roles, or “aprons.” He is Creator, He is Father, He is Healer, He is Redeemer, He is Savior. I know God is my savior and that regardless of what I do, there is no sin He cannot forgive. Does he expect me to sin? Unfortunately, yes. Does he like when I sin, does he accept it without feeling hurt by my sin? No.

Just because I know I am saved does not give me reason to go on living in sin. Just like I (try to) accept the hurtful words of customers and continue giving the “above and beyond” customer service expected of me, God never ceases to be a forgiving and loving God when we continually wrong him.

I have to believe customers don’t really think everything is my fault. They must know that I, a seasonal and minimum wage worker, makes absolutely zero decisions having to do with the store. Similarly, I know God is not to blame for my sins; I recognize my sins are my own downfalls. But the blame is put on him anyway. “God made him who had no sin be sin for us, so that in him we might become the righteousness of God” (2 Corinthians 5:21). He already died for each and every sin I have and will commit. Regardless of the fact that he has already died for my sins, each sin hurts him. He does not like to see us fall victim to the temptations of this world.

If I am so affected by the abrasive words of customer I don’t even know, how much more is God affected by the slap-in-the-face sinful behavior of those he died to save? I don’t want to be the rude customer to God. I want to be like the customers who make my day; like the lady who was a little too thankful that I went to get her a flyer, like the man who told me I was the “nicest person ever,” like the lady who comes in with a smile and a laugh each and every day and calls me by name. I appreciate these customers, I look forward to them coming in the store, I want them to come through my line. I hope God smiles when he thinks about me, that when I come into his presence he knows I will be thankful, that I will realize just how great his sacrifice is, and that he loves to hear me call him by name. We can choose to be grumpy and ignorant or joyful and appreciative.